The Christian Science Monitor won last week for my favorite news coverage. Amid all kinds of “pop goes the weasel” references as other outlets wrote up the shutdown of the Large Hadron Collider by a meddlesome mustelid, CSM told us that not only had this sort of thing happened before, but that CERN was certain it’s never been because of a Terminator scenario.

In November 2009, CERN said a baguette dropped by a bird was the cause of an electrical short that briefly shut down the collider.

In that case, the agency said the bird survived but “lost breakfast.” Asked whether the baguette had come from the future to sabotage the machine, CERN responded, “The possibility has been examined by theoretical physicists — considered unlikely as they feel baguettes will not play a part in future cultures.”

I’m not optimistic about a future that doesn’t include baguettes, but I guess that’s worth a debate. After all, the end of the republic has never looked better.

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